mama doesn't, but daddy does

Mama doesn't have it together, but Daddy sure does. For 11 months now I've been struggling to stay afloat. My main objectives for myself are to feed, sleep, and keep insanity away. For the baby the objectives are similar, but I am concerned about the baby's overall development rather than it's sanity.

Today, when I felt close to giving it all up, I asked my husband if I could take a short nap. I am not a daytime napper. Usually it's tough to fall asleep during the day. I could feel it coming strong today, though. I just woke up from that nap. I heard no baby screaming. Instead I heard laughter.

Husband was genius in that clever use an object and apply known principles. Dear husband used the wheels of the high chair to move it close to the stove. He also used big sister and her compulsion to help with anything baby. A proud big sister came to me grinning just now willing to keep the secret that Mama was awake in exchange for telling her tale.

Big sister had fed the baby a jar of baby food without spilling anything. She then continued to supply the baby with Os to keep the baby happy. At the present time big sister is supervising baby with apple slices in a mesh bag. An advantage that big sister has is that she can delight and amaze baby sister skillfully and willingly as long as needed. I am amazed with
dear husband's ability to combine these principles of children's behavior. He put a kitchen chair down for big sister to sit next to baby.

Principles used:
Big Sister has boundless energy
Baby Sister has insatiable appetite
Big Sister is fascinated with Baby Sister
Baby Sister is fascinated with Big Sister
Baby Sister needs to be near people
High chair has wheels
High chair does not have to be in the far corner of the kitchen

And he's improvising with a recipe!!! He added apples to Afgani rice
It smells so good right now!

time to go

new words galore
baby is standing
baby took a first step on Wednesday
baby rarely likes diaper changes anymore
too hot for writing
everything is heating up: computer, baby, my skin
tired, tired, tired
mama lost what she had a couple weeks ago

everyday

Everyday is the same. Routine works well for the baby. There are so many wild variations that there's no way to count on that routine, though. We may be in synch for a week where there is a bit of a pattern. Just when I put a pattern together--like 2 hour morning nap--it changes.

And so today I mourn the passage of the 2 hour morning nap. It was a pattern that helped to keep me sane. I could check email, snack, think, and read (READ!!). I could do anything but get up and walk around or go to the bathroom. It was tricky talking on the phone during that time also. How did I do it? I cheated and I kept the baby at my breast on my lap. If she stirred, I just fed her and she drifted off. I thought I was in control.

This system no longer works. She delayed her morning naps last weekend and this Monday when we headed back to the routine, she only slept 50 minutes. I was shocked since she's usually dead tired on Mondays, since weekends are exciting anything-goes times with Daddy and Big Sister.

Days and changes are so gradual, I am happy when I can pinpoint a milestone. See where the changes occurred. I only lament the morning nap because I had a nice spot in the sun and some time to write. I suspect we're heading towards the long afternoon nap and we're getting the 10 hour night down.

I fear the change a bit, but it's also exciting because I'm getting closer to what I thought staying home and being a nicey-nice housewife would be. I thought I would catch up on miscellaneous projects during nap time. I wondered how I would narrow my to do list during that time. I thought I would become an excellent chef in the afternoon and earlier I would wow my husband with the creative yet simple lunch combos I had waiting for him. Turns out I'm grateful to see him at lunch so he can make me a peanut butter sandwich.

I'm preparing a nap center to be used in the afternoons this summer. Part of the reason I didn't put the baby down to nap in our bedroom--the crib location--was because there was no heat and it was chilly all the time. I was looking forward to summer and putting the baby down with a soft summer breeze. The three bedroom windows also let in too much light for the baby's comfort. In her room, currently the storage room, I have dark curtains to block the light and facilitate happy baby napping.

I can't go back to work now. Now that I'm gaining a little sanity. Now that I am able to make not only [peanut butter and jelly], but also [tomato, avocado, lettuce, AND mayonnaise] sandwiches.
And I made two of them today.

I'm still just getting it together and there are more moments when I don't think about the baby.

mama's got it in a lazy way

I tried to put the baby down for a nap in her crib, twice. It didn't work, even though she was curling up on the floor while I vacuumed. My days are full of what ifs, much more so than it was before. What if I had kept vacuuming? Would she have fallen asleep? What if I had let her cry in her crib until she fell asleep?

So she's asleep on my lap. I heard a loud explosion and a police siren outside. I really wish I could go see.

Instead, I'm browsing blogs, reading until I'm no longer interested. Surprise, surprise, the world online isn't much different than the world at large.

And back to active parenting...

Cat vs Kitty

We're losing the fight of cat vs. kitty. Dear daughter's friend, who has been 1 year old for 2 days now says kitty. After daddy, bye, and die it's her most clearly spoken word. I have to admit it's cute when she comes over exclaiming "kitty, kitty" until she finds one of our 3 cats. The friend's daughter gets quite a reaction, naturally, from bystanders, of which my daughter may or may not be aware.

Language is one of the most exciting parts of raising the baby. This was one aspect I've been pondering and waiting to witness. I guessed correctly that one of dear daughter's favorite objects would be a cat. As soon as her vision kicked in--newborns can only see an arm's length and only in black and white--one of the first objects I watched her track was the black and white spotted cat. I had to place her strategically for her to notice the grey cat and the black cat.

I've been deliberately talking and speaking clearly to her since the first day. I chose the word cat to identify the cats because it was one syllable. I also hoped that since she's around adults and the adults she's with mainly use the word cat, it would be reinforced. I try to make things fun, but shun baby talk. While kitty isn't exactly baby talk, I just preferred the word cat from the start.

She watched the cats at first, then she mimicked their meowing. That was a fun surprise. I hadn't thought about the fact that the cat's throaty meows were easier to pronounce than the word cat. (She pants for dogs.) She loves the touch and feel books with bits of fur and other fun touchies pasted in the pages. I deliberately changed the text of one of her books saying cat every time instead of kitten. It was a touch and feel book all about kittens.

She's gaining control of her words now and can clearly say cat. She made quite a verbal leap last Wednesday that was exciting to witness. Her own command pleased her. The past few days, however, she's been favoring the word kitty. It's not as clear as her one-year-old friend, but the intonation is the same. I haven't heard her say cat in the past couple of days at all.

I didn't use the names of any of the cats at all until she clearly understood the word cat. I noticed that she uses the word kitty for the black and white cat, the cat we call Walter Kitty. (I even renamed him Walter Cat in the beginning of this baby adventure to be consistent. Didn't have the right ring and I gave that up months ago.)

What to do? What would you do?

For now, I'm still using cat and confirming, yes, that's a kitty. Next up: dog vs doggy...

mama's finally getting it together

Mama's finally getting it together. Maybe this is just a fluke, but it sure feels improved. Typing with one hand is getting easier and faster. The kitchen counter's been relatively clear for almost two weeks. We've got snacks and extra food in the cabinets. The litter box is clean. I'm almost on top of the ant situation. There's clean clothes in the dryer and there's space on the floor to dump them and sort them in the bedroom. It's taken 10 months to get here. All I did was have a little 8 pound baby 10 months ago.

Days are spent watching the baby. Literally watching the baby. For two weeks now I've had a few gates in the door so I can corral her while I complete such daily niceties as go to the bathroom. That was a relief. Two daily operations I've been unwilling to compromise are using the restroom and taking a shower. The third operation, checking email, is not necessary, but it sure helps.

I've devised methods to reach these ends daily. Dear daughter plays in the excersaucer with at least 3 books and one stuffed animal while I shower. The excersaucer is two saucers with three columns separating the two saucers. There's a pocket with leg holes baby sits in and toys attached to the top saucer. The challenge is that this crawling baby does not like restricted movement now that she's got a 3-d world and full hand-to-mouth control.

To go to the bathroom, I wait until the baby's engaged with a toy, tell her that Mama's going to the bathroom, make sure all gates are in place, and climb over the gate to go to the bathroom. I must be sure my bladder's not too full so I can still make it over the gate.

The third activity, checking email, surfing online, and writing takes place during baby's morning nap. This is the one activity I expect to regret later but it's working for now and I need more resources in place before I can change. Baby naps on my lap as I type and scroll. If she wakes, the breast is right there to ease her back to sleep. She has napped without the breast and in her crib, but that was way back before the holidays and when she was 6 months old.

I chickened out and have let her stay in my lap since January. It really is nice, though. The sun comes in the living room drenching my back in warmth. I've got my laptop set up on a tv tray with a nalgene bottle, granola bar, and cell phone. The cell phone is for emergencies and for timing the length of the nap. I control the amount of sleep. She gets the benefit of a full sleep cycle. I get the benefit of keeping in touch and connecting with the outside world. The dirty dishes do not benefit and the office remains cluttered.

This routine does help Mama feel she's getting it together.

And then comes the weekend. And then every other week there's the custody enactment of the other daughter. And this week Daddy and big sister other daughter will stay home because big sister is sick. It's Monday, though, and today, Mama's got it together.